Published to Reddit‘s “AmITheA**hole” forum, a woman under the username u/Lily_Tilly_2 shared her story so the internet could decide if she was in the wrong. The post has 8,000 upvotes and 1,000 comments.
The Redditor begins by explaining that she is a lawyer, while he is a programmer. She told the “AITA” followers that whenever they make plans to go on a date, he always shows up late or leaves her on read.
the woman wrote, “Given how hectic my work schedule is, I try really hard to set time for him on the weekends and he has often 1. full on not responded when asked about plans 2. has left been waiting alone in restaurants for at least an hour each time.”
“I know he has mental health issues and has struggled with going out to meet people so I try to be more patient/forgiving but sometimes I do still end up blowing up at him when he is late,” she continued.
There can be many reasons someone might be consistently late, according to Psychology Today.
“People can be unpunctual not because they disrespect a partner or fail to pay attention to his or her needs; it can simply be due to absent-mindedness or an inability to estimate time correctly,” Aaron Ben-Zeév Ph.D. wrote for Psychology Today.
For their anniversary, she decided to make a reservation for dinner way in advance. Once she texted him asking if he was on his way to her, he did not respond, only to leave her on read. After an hour of waiting, she sent him an angry text and left. He texted back saying that he arrived, only “1.45 hours later.”
He called her to apologize for his tardiness and asked if she could come back to the restaurant. She snapped asking that he texted her back saying he was going to be late and that he did n’t care about her time.
“He said that I didn’t respect him for trying/his mental health and how difficult it was for him to even meet me. He admitted that sometimes, once he’s late he even procrastinates more because he doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of it,” she said.
She concluded her post by stating that her time is very important, especially with her job. The Reddit user admits that she ca n’t do much because she feels she’s waiting for her boyfriend and thinks her actions are irresponsible.
Redditors were quick to comment.
“I’m a programmer. I have mental health issues. I don’t enjoy being around strangers. I still have the respect required to tell my partner if I’m running late, and to make sure that is a very rare occurrence, u/DemmyDemon received the top comment with over 14,000 upvotes.
“Disrespecting you like that, and then blaming it on mental health, means that he needs to focus on improving his mental health. Until he does, I suggest maybe you shouldn’t subject yourself to this,” they continued.
U/Striking_Shelter_717 wrote, “Why are you still with him? I believe you can find better.”
“Hard [Not the A**hole]. You didn’t leave him stood up, if anything he stood you up. If he can’t make your relationship a priority now, how can you expect him to in the future? Cut your losses and move on because you can certainly do way better than this fool,” u/Crafty-Resident-6741 stated.
“Tell him that in the future you’ll wait for 15 minutes after the agreed-to time, and then leave. Then DO IT. No exceptions. Not even if he’s texting you at 14 minutes, saying he’s on his way. After a time or two of this, IF you don’t back down, he’ll find a way to be better,” u/billlevansatmariposa.
Newsweek reached out to u/Lily_Tilly_2 for comment.